The Narrative Trap

I’ve been caught in a few narratives lately.

Such as: I’m way too busy at work.

And: I miss my Mom. 

And: My tennis elbow is never going to heal.

Narratives sometimes have someone else as the lead character, though. As in, my son needs to get to the DMV in his new home state. And I hope he can find a good dentist down there. 

If these things don't happen, it's very possible the world might end.

Ever find yourself in your own narrative bubble?

In stories that you tell yourself over and over?

Amazing how the brain can spin and spin and spin when left to its own devices.

The best narratives are at bedtime—because if you review them as you fall asleep, you can guarantee that you’ll stay awake. Or, if one pops into your head on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you can’t fall back asleep afterwards.

When we get caught up in narratives like these, we are caught up in our own motivations, desires, and worries. And transformation coach and leadership expert Nicholas Janni says we must break out of these narrative bubbles in order to reconnect with the sacredness of life. 

“We are all living in a very small version of reality, and have forgotten that this is so,” he says.

We are basically head down, tunnel vision, eyes focused on a few core things.

Sometimes, this is what we need to do to survive and move forward. Sometimes, in order to make it from day to day, we can’t expand the aperture of our lens.

A friend of mine just shared that her partner is like that—when he is focused on her, he is wholly, completely riveted. But when she is not the focus of that tunnel vision, she might as well not exist. 

Kind of like the DMV and the dentist in my son’s mind. They are outside his tunnel, but inside of mine.

We can all be this way sometimes. 

But how do we move outside of our own narrow view? 

We can ask ourselves some key questions. 

Such as, what might be some other perspectives here? Where might I lift my gaze? Or, if you are really struggling to widen your own lens, you can ask, Who might be able to see this horizon more clearly than I can right now?

A wider lens can bring us some peace. When we connect with a bigger picture, we can tap into greater wholeness and the sacredness of our human experience. There, we can find more stillness and freedom.

Oftentimes, that freedom is actually from ourselves. 

From that hamster wheel of a brain we sometimes have. 

Writer Melody Beattie once said, “There is a little in our lives we need to do that we cannot do better if we are peaceful.”

I wrote this blog while I was with some girlfriends in Palm Springs, California. One early morning, I was writing facing the kitchen with my back to the sliding glass door. When one of my friends came in the room, she said, “You should turn around and face the other way.”

I looked behind me, and the sun was rising behind the San Jacinto Mountains. The day was coming alive. The sky was blossoming into a bright salmon and hot pink. 

But I had almost missed it. I had been looking in the other direction and didn’t even realize the sun was up.

What sunrise might you be missing? 

Where might you benefit from lifting your gaze?

Have a comment? Please share on social media or contact Kellie here.