Reconnecting with What You Have Lost

I led a few strategic planning workshops just before the holidays.

When preparing for one of them, I asked my co-facilitator to lead an opening activity. She asked the small groups to discuss, “What was the best Christmas gift you ever received”?

It was a hoot.

People shared compelling stories about that first Erector set, the Lite Brite they got from Santa, their first guitar, or that special set of Legos.

One guy said that the worst present he ever received was coal.

Yes, actual coal.

That was the only thing he got that year. And needless to say, he had not been on his best behavior.

He also said that was the day when he figured out there was no Santa. He realized his friends who were equally misbehaved actually received presents and he hadn’t. So, he realized his parents were trying to make a point.

When we asked him if that changed things, he said, “No, not really. I was just a bad kid.”

Funny, though. 

He now works for a YMCA and does impactful nonprofit community work.

In the workshop, I was asked to share my own story. So, I told them about one of the best gifts I ever received—it was from my son Duncan. 

I had lost my brown leather gloves before the holiday, and was distressed I couldn’t find them because it was starting to become frigid out. We didn’t have a garage, so my car was cold and ice covered every morning. And Duncan said to me, “Don’t go buying yourself some new ones—you never know what you will get for Christmas!” 

He was 13 at the time, and not particularly good at keeping secrets. He would often hint at what I might be getting as a gift.

So, I suffered for a few weeks in the cold without gloves. 

On Christmas morning, Duncan was very excited to give me my gifts—he had gotten me a scarf and some earrings. And then he said, “There’s one more thing in there,” pointing to my stocking. I reached in the toe and pulled out a pair of leather gloves rolled up into a ball. 

But the gloves were not new. 

They looked just like my missing ones.

“You found my leather gloves?” I asked.

Duncan couldn’t stop smiling. 

“No,” he said, “I took them as a joke and hid them in your stocking, and they’ve been there since before Christmas. I kept thinking you would find them!”

I laughed. 

Here I thought my kid couldn’t keep a secret—but in the end, the secret was on me.

What gift is right in front of you, but you aren’t seeing it? 

What gift have you been given before that you have forgotten you even have? 

Perhaps it’s something that has been tucked away for a while, something that you tend to not think about often. Perhaps it’s a person that used to be in your life but that you have lost touch with. Or perhaps it’s a skill or talent you have that you never think about. Perhaps it's good health or personality traits that you were given through your DNA.

You know that feeling when you find a piece of clothing in the back of your closet that you forgot even existed? Or a childhood memento that you find in a basement carton that still makes you smile? I have this experience periodically with Christmas decorations—I forget what I even have because I see them only once a year.

What is it that you seem to have lost but that would bring you joy if you could find it again? What gifts have you received that you don’t acknowledge very often?

Perhaps have a sense that you have lost one of the most important things—yourself. 

There may be times when you feel a bit lonely—when you don’t feel connected to you.

Irish poet and activist Brendan Behan once said, “At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.”

This holiday week, it is a great time to inventory all of the gifts that you do have. What talents, memories, objects, or people are you are grateful for, but that you forget about now and then?

This might be the perfect time to reach out to connect with that person that pops into your mind now and then. To hold a specific cherished object in your hand. Or to be truly present with loved ones or friends that you don’t get to connect with very often.

Perhaps you will slide on a particular pair of leather gloves and smile—just who gave them to you.

This celebratory season, may you reconnect with at least one thing that you may have lost.

Happy holidays, my friend. 

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