Making the Charitable Assumption
I just returned from Cape Town, South Africa.
Lots to say about Africa—once I process it all.
In the meantime, I must share a story about the best hotel I have ever stayed at in my life. It’s called One&Only.
This hotel is in the heart of the Victoria & Albert waterfront in Cape Town and has stunning views of the city and of Table Mountain.
The setting is spectacular, the rooms spacious and luxurious. Every day, they left a gift for us in our room. A water buffalo bottle stopper. A sleeve for eyeglasses designed by a youth in South Africa. A diffuser with the hotel’s special scent. Two tiger’s eye stones, which are said to take away the blues.
It was fun every evening to come back to our room and see what surprise they had left for us.
But the most compelling thing at the hotel was the service.
They staff was pleasant, positive, and anxious to please. Every time we passed one—whether a bartender, front desk worker, housekeeper, or bellman—they paused to smile, placed a hand on their heart, and greeted us.
It was a compelling gesture—friendly and welcoming. After a few days, my boyfriend couldn’t help himself, and he started doing it in return. He put his hand on his heart four times on the way down to breakfast one morning.
We laughed about this, and he said, “I should probably find out what this means if I’m doing it back to them!”
So, he asked one of the staff about it, and the host said it’s how they acknowledge and welcome guests. The gesture means “we exist not just to serve, but to create a personal connection with you.”
I’ve been reading Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect for a book club at work. This book is by Will Guidara, a restauranteur in New York City.
Guidara shares a few ideas that come from leaders he has admired in his career—from Randy Garutti, the retiring CEO of Shake Shack, and Danny Meyer, author of Setting the Table. They both taught him powerful ground rules for life and work. For example:
1) “Be the swan.” This means always show grace and serenity to guests, and don’t let them see the mad paddling of your feet under the water.
2) “Make the charitable assumption.” This means to assume good intent. Guidara said to always assume when others are unpleasant that something challenging might be going on in their life. He said, “Perhaps that person before you actually needs more love and more hospitality than anyone else in the room.”
3) Go for “athletic hospitality.” This one made me laugh. I had a tennis coach who always said to us, “Take an athletic stance,” meaning when we are standing still waiting for the ball at the net or receiving a serve, we should always be athletic. Knees bent, light on our feet, prepared to move in any direction.
I loved all three of these guidelines for life.
Where might you be more of a swan, rather than showing everyone upside-down how hard you are scrambling to stay afloat?
With whom could you make the charitable assumption rather than assume the worst about them?
And where might you be more athletic in your hospitality toward someone else?
Randy Garutti often said, “Let your energy impact the people you’re talking to, as opposed to the other way around.”
People would ask him how his day was going, and he would say, “I’m trying to make today the best day of my life.”
I now think about this when I wake up feeling anxious or worried about the day ahead. Or in moments when I am sad and looking around for someone to cheer me up. What if instead I take a more charitable and athletic stance, and consider, “What if someone around me is sad? How can I make them feel better?”
What if I show up light on my feet, ready to move into action?
I was inspired by this stay at One&Only. I’m imagining being more of a swan—that symbol of wisdom and grace—and less of a duck. Making the charitable assumption—about me and about others. And trying again and again to make today the best day of my life.
How about you?
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